Four years ago, a little boy who had been living in an orphanage in the Shanxi province in China (since his babyhood) was being adopted by an American family. He was six years old at the time. He was brought to America by his new parents. His adjustment into their family was rough. Over the years, they came to know more about this little boy and what his needs were. They loved him and worked with him and did everything they knew how to do to help him progress. In the end, they made a very difficult decision. They knew that the best thing for this little boy was to find him a new family. They knew he needed a family that was experienced with the issues he had; a family who had "been there, done that" before. They contacted an adoption agency that specializes in "re-homing" children. What a gut-wrenching decision this was. It took them a long time to come to terms with this and take the steps necessary. They did this out of love and concern for the little boy. Some people might feel tempted to judge them for this choice, but that would be unfair and uncalled for. This family is hurting. This is not how they wanted their story to end.
Some months ago, the mother in another family started to feel little pricks in her heart. She knew it was time to make a change in her family. She felt it was to adopt another child. She told her husband about these feelings. He was not as sure as she was, but he had learned to listen to her "feelings" over the years and encouraged her to pursue this prompting. The mother prayed and researched and researched and prayed. She felt that her family would be adopting a sibling group from the foster care system. So the parents went through a month of foster parenting classes (two nights per week!). They got fingerprinted (twice), got their home inspected, did doctor reports, and background clearances, and were interviewed several times from various social workers, etc. etc. Once the homestudy was approved, this mother submitted inquiries/homestudies on over 160 sibling groups around the country. The answer, if it even ever came at all, was always, "No, you were not chosen."
After some time, this mother became very confused. She did not understand what God was trying to tell her. She started to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. She spent many hours on her knees, praying to and pleading with God. Toward the middle/end of October, she started to ask God if her family could finally be chosen for a sibling group or child or if they could just be done with this adoption period? They had tried, but it was becoming way too stressful for them all. What should be a joy had become a burden. Shortly after her prayers changed, a friend of this mother's told her about a little boy from Liberia who was looking for a new home. His photo was on an adoption agency's website. The mother decided to check it out. While on the website, she also saw another little boy who was 10 years old and had been born in China. She decided that she would inquire on both of the boys. Why not? ;-) Imagine her surprise when someone from the agency emailed her back within a couple of hours saying that the little boy from China was still looking for a family. Over the next day and a half, this mother learned so much about the little boy. He sounded almost exactly like her other son. She felt he would fit in their family well. There were a couple of small issues that the mother addressed with the agency worker. By the end of the second day, the problems had all been resolved. A plan was set up for the new family to talk on the phone with the old family. That went remarkably well. The following weekend, the new family traveled to Arizona to meet the little boy and his other family. The new family knew the little boy would fit in their family. In fact, they had a family vote in their hotel room and it was a unanimous decision. Over the next few weeks, paperwork was done so that the little boy could join his new family. And yesterday, one month and one day after the new family had first heard about him, his new family and old family met in Page, AZ to bring this boy home.
Of course the little boy from China is Matthias, our new son. We are his new forever family. And yes, his first adoptive family had to make a difficult choice to do what was right for Matthias in the end. They chose our family to adopt him.
This is an unfortunate situation. It is fraught with pain and grief. It is also full of hope and love. We love Matt's other family. We pray for them daily. We hope you all will do the same. This has been a hard time for them all and will be painful in the days, months and years to come. Please do not ask us or Matthias any personal questions about his old life. It will only cause hurt. He will need sensitivity over the next many months. We hope all can be understanding and loving throughout this time and in the future. Thank you!
Yesterday was a hard day for Matthias. He was very sad and tearful at the transfer from his old family to our family. We were able to get a couple of photos, as we wanted them for future reference, but despite the smiles in them, he was a sad little boy. Over the course of our drive home, we got to see how funny, smart, nerdy, loud and witty Matt is. He will fit in perfectly with our family. As soon as we returned home last night, he ran inside to see Ezra. He and Ezra hit it off when we first met Matt at the beginning of November. Ezra and Matthias are two peas in a pod. If they weren't separated by age, race, ethnicity, continents, etc., I'd think they were twins separated at birth! ;-)
This morning we went to church. Matthias did great. He met my mom and step-dad at church and it was funny to introduce him to his Grammie & Grandpa. He said to my mom, "Well, I don't really know who anyone is and I'm trying to remember everyone's names." He has been adopted into a ginormous family, so it will take some time. ;-) After church, we had lunch and did some chores. Matthias had a sad time during lunch and was crying and needing comfort. This will not be easy, but it will be OK. In the future, I won't really share much on the blog about this, but I wanted to write about certain parts for memory's sake and to give our friends and loved ones a little background.
We've all got a long road ahead of us, but with God's help, ALL is possible.
